Love is a Beautiful Pain
by melody kiss
Summary: Once upon a time, Megumi loved a man who loved someone else.


Sometimes, people tell her she's lucky. _Lucky_ because she made it this far despite being so young. _Lucky_ because she met Yukihira Soma.

Megumi prefers to think of it all as fate.

–

He's a boy with red hair and eyes like the sun – eyes like _hers._ They're always looking in the distance – far, far away towards the edge of the world where the sky meets the sea and mountains rise higher than the stars.

Megumi likes to think she's part of that vision. She _must_ be.

(Because he's the transfer student she may or may not have come to love.)

–

They graduate together. On the second last day spent at the Polar Star dorms, he buys flowers, giving the yellow tulips to Nikumi and Takumi and the others because yellow means friendship and this is their way of pledging eternal bonds. Soma-kun is sentimental like that.

Then he turns to her and she thinks her heart must've stopped beating for a moment because there are no yellow tulips left lying in the basket.

Instead, a pale, budding rose lies nestled within his grasp, fragile... yet so beautiful.

 _Pink_. A pink rose.

Pink means gratitude, but Megumi knows that's not the end of it. There's elegance, gentleness... _romance._ She accepts it with a laugh, hugging him. He responds with a soft squeeze, whispering words of congratulations for surviving the Hell known as Totsuki.

Megumi smiles knowingly. Hell isn't Hell if you're with the person you love.

The next evening, Megumi buys a bouquet of dahlias and lilies and primroses. She arranges them herself – even hand writes a note – and knocks on his dorm door for the last time in forever.

He opens it and –

– _you're not good enough for him_ –

– the gifts fall from Megumi's fingers like dead stars falling from the sky.

–

A chime from the clock heralds midnight.

The spell shatters.

–

Red. He gave _her_ (not Megumi) a red rose. Red means true love.

(Red also means anger – the dry, harsh one that pushes her into blind rashness.)

She runs. Runs and runs.

But the memory chases her.

 _Nakiri Erina and Yukihira Soma._

(Gods do not fall in love with mortals.)

–

How could she be so blind?

–

It takes years after leaving Totsuki before Megumi finally makes it into the top ten of Japan's culinary rankings.

Yukihira drops by her restaurant one day. She smiles the same smile from all those years ago, though it feels a bit crooked this time.

"Top ten, huh?" he muses, sending her a teasing glance. This Soma is different – yet the same, somehow. Experience permeates the way he moves – fluid and crisp, the once-endearing recklessness now honed to a sharp edge.

He's changed, but not his eyes. They're still perfect.

(Megumi thinks the years has dulled her own eyes to a rusted copper.)

She shrugs, feeling pride _blossom like –_

He's surveying the wall, staring at framed pictures of their graduation class with a nostalgic gaze. Her smile drops. Her soul freezes over the way it did so, so long ago.

"Erina looks the same." A fond grin. A baritone laugh.

 _– little flowers waiting to be torn apart._

–

Stupid juvenile dreams – why haunt her now?

–

Megumi lets her mind wander, sometimes. On rainy days, they find the memories of Nakiri Erina and her beautiful hair and beautiful eyes.

She looks into the mirror when that happens. Blue locks frame her face (she's pale these days) and dark circles are settled under her eyes that once shone like sunlight.

Or maybe they were never like sunlight – maybe she'd been convincing herself all this time. She'd never be good enough for him. Never ever.

(Because he's the chef at the summit of the culinary world and Nakiri Erina is his shadow.)

–

The vase in which she once kept a cherished gift now sits empty at her dining table, waiting for someone to give it purpose.

The pale pink rose wilted a long, long time ago.

(But a part of her dares to hope.)

–

It comes soon. The thing Megumi has been dreading. She leaves it there on her table, face-down, refusing to tick the RSVP box. The contents of the letter confirm her deepest fears. Even worse – her name's been written on it. In little cursive that she's seen many, many times before in the textbooks of a red-haired transfer student.

Is this what hate feels like? The anger bursting in her chest, tinged with an icy sadness that Megumi took as a sign of her humanity? She grips a wine glass before pouring herself a drink, pondering the news.

She should be happy. She should be grateful that Soma-kun's finally loving someone who'll take care of him until the end of eternity. For some reason, though, Megumi finds herself hoping – _wanting_ – for everything to fall apart for them.

(The world must be playing her.)

–

Soma-kun visits a week before his wedding, wearing a ring that glints as soon as he steps through the doors. He's wearing a frown now. And... were those _lines_ on his face?

It's an hour after closing time. Megumi just glances at him, smiling blithely and pretending that her heart isn't twisting itself in that moment. "Sorry," she says, as if he was just another customer. "We're closed for today."

"Are you alright?"

Polite concern, she tells herself. Nothing more. "Would you like to order something?"

"Megumi."

Her hands grip the edge of the counter, her icy demeanour melting beneath his eyes that she once (and still) thought were more beautiful than the sun.

In the end, she surrenders with a sigh and invites him to take a seat.

They talk and talk well past midnight. Tears threaten to spill but she keeps them in check, turning around to wipe the counters when her vision begins to blur. Soma-kun watches with concern.

(She's selfish. How could she not be happy for her closest friend?)

"So... any reason why you aren't coming?" he asks.

A nervous laugh. "I've been too busy to reply."

"Oh, yeah. Top five in Japan now, huh?"

She hums an affirmative, bracing herself for the lie. "I'm coming, though... to this... wedding of yours."

Her heart breaks _again_ (right when she'd just begun to tape it back together) when he grins. "Really? That's good! I'll put you on the list. Do you want a table with Takumi?"

Another hum. Then, Megumi excuses herself and walks towards the bathroom, breaking into a run when she turns a corner.

–

The girl in the mirror stares back at her, gaze red and face stained with tears.

"Idiot," she hisses, and the girl's expression grows aggravated. "You idiot. Why can't you just _be happy?_ "

Her reflection doesn't reply. It looks deep into her faded gold eyes, pained and broken beyond repair.

–

(Once upon a time, Megumi loved a man.)

–

(But love, in the end, is just a beautiful, _terrible_ pain.)


End file.
